Testimony of a former counselee at His Truth Transforms International:
When I came to His Truth Transforms International, I was in a position of needing to learn how to be happy in an unhappy marriage. That was my goal. I was "stuck" and needed to learn to make my own happiness even if my husband wouldn't or couldn't. I was a committed Christian and did not want to break up my family nor the lives of my children the youngest nearing graduating from high school. I have had various stages of a "bad marriage" through 30 years, slowly improving, but only at a snail's pace.
I have never been able to sleep well during our entire marriage. We had constant fights and bickering that left my mind full of hurt. At night, these hurtful insults and put-downs would replay through my mind. I often would physically get up at 3:00 a.m. and go and pour my heart out to God. He was always faithful to "lift my head" and help me to go on. I knew that this fighting was not normal, but my husband would not get counseling or help for his anger and jealousy. He did not know how to love and I was not able to let his insults go without telling him they hurt me. He could never say the words to heal my hurt that he caused. I was always so happy and chipper except with him.
We flat didn't get along. He would tell me I was so different from him and insult the way my parents raised me in any way that was different from his upbringing. I must say that his parents divorced and he was left a wounded child that never grew up in his hurt. He was angry and did not know how to build up or encourage or bond and enjoy union together or friendship. I needed that from him. Although he kept the doors locked and the bills paid, I felt very insecure. My security came from the lack success of our relationship and the countless times he said "get out". Sometimes I did for a few hours, mostly I just dreamed of living without such strife and disharmony.
My counselor met me right where I was, broken, sad, with a deep sense of loss. I tried not to hate him for hurting me and constantly desiring to argue. I was tremendously defensive and in a state of mental anguish. I was rejected, walking wounded. I replayed his hurtful words and lamented his lack of apology or remorse for my swollen eyes from crying. How many nights I slept on the couch and slammed doors in my hurt and exasperation?
My counselor helped me to recognize my own faulty beliefs and lies I unconsciously believed that were contributing to my pitiful marriage and lack of a soul mate I so desperately desired. She told me I could be free of this control of my emotions even if my marriage never changed. I felt that I was not complete without a fulfilling and happy marriage.
She showed me that my beliefs were based on emotions rather than on Truth. She helped me to learn to pause and think Truth. "I am perfectly loved already!" I don't need to defend myself for I have a Defender in the LORD. She helped me to change my perspective.
When my feelings were hurt, she taught me to recognize the 'renegade emotion' and apply Truth of God's Word. I was hurt because I was believing a lie! I had to learn to recognize these lies. The Truth has set me free. I learned how to think! Renegade emotions lead me to feel: "I'm not valued, I am rejected, I am "less than", I am not loved or cherished. I learned to recognize that emotions come from my thought life. Our thought life needs to be on God, not my husband's failures or insults. My counselor showed me that I have the Holy Spirit as my Guide, Advocate, Counselor and Defender. That is empowering!
My counselor helped me to focus on what I do have not on the "have nots". I was fixated on having a happy marriage rather than on focusing on Jesus. He is bringing me from "Glory to Glory" as my counselor said often. I learned precious Truths that are to be my focus: "I am very loved.” “I am adopted and chosen by God.” “I am valued and accepted.” “I have been given a brand new life.” “I have God's comfort”...
In my counseling, I learned and experienced the Truth that becomes a reality through the process of renewing the mind. That is what happened each week. My mind was renewed and mended as I became dependent upon the Holy Spirit and as a Volitional act of faith and will. I was taught that my responsibility was to engage with the Holy Spirit, to respond to the Lord and not my husband's hurtful and insensitive words and ways. Wrong beliefs promote wrong thoughts which produce wrong emotions which produce wrong behaviors.
One of the most powerful tools we learned was seeing my Christian Identity. I am worthy. I have no lack. I have God's comfort. I am protected. I am never alone. I am accepted and worthy. I am free. I am secure. When my husband sees me as the enemy and is hostile, rejects closeness, puts me off, doesn't want to be with me, won't bond or connect, I go to these powerful Truths! I have come to be more understanding rather than being hurt. He has his own distorted perception of God based on his own personal experiences.
My counselor helped me to know who God really is. I saw in my life that I did not know God for who He really is. I have looked to others, namely my husband to meet my deepest needs for so many things. I am to desire for God to meet those needs! He is the only one who can by His unconditional and Perfect love for me.
To fix any marriage, we first have to fix the heart. We cannot be any stronger in Christ than who I identify with. God is not a weak God! We had many wonderful times of insightful prayer. Many times, I wrote down my counselor's prayers, because they were so powerful and filled with tender compassion.
I am sorry to see my time with my counselor end, honestly. I want to continue what I have learned- to live in the Spirit and not in the flesh, living a life dependent upon the LORD. Renew Truth. Renew Truth. "Function outwardly in what has already been done inwardly".
Thank you, HTTI and my counselor. I am forever grateful for God bringing you in my life.